Q5. If at a particular time, a lady has no desire for sex with her husband, but he insists for it, what is her right of refusal in this context ?
Abdul Wahab
A5. If a husband expresses his desire for sexual intercourse with his wife, and asks her to fulfill his need, then she should fulfill her husband’s desire, and she has no right to refuse him or deprive him of his need (unless of course if she is undergoing her monthly menstruation period or is down with illness.
Islam encourages and insists on chastity and fidelity. Islam prohibits and condemn illicit sexual relations, extra-maritial affairs, pre-marriage sex, fornication, adultery, prostitution, pornography and promiscuity. It is for this reason that a wife is bound to fulfill her husband’s sexual desires so as to prevent him form straying.
Narrarted Abu Huraira
Allah’s Apostle (Pbuh) said, ” If a husband calls his wife to his bed (i.e. to have sexual relations) and she refuses and causes him to sleep in anger, the angels will curse her till morning.” (Sahih Al-Bukhari Vol. 4 Hadith No. 460 & Sahih Muslim Vol. 2 Hadith No. 3368)
Narrated Abu Huraira
The Messenger of Allah (swt) said: By him in whose hand is my life, when a man calls his wife to his bed, and she does not respond, the One Who is in the heaven is displeased with her untill he (her husband) is pleased with her. (Sahih Muslim Vol. 2 Hadith No. 3367)
Narrated Taiq ibn Ali
Allah’s Messenger (Pbuh) said, ” When a man calls his wife to satisfy his desire she must go to him even if she is occupied at the oven.” (Al Tirmidhi Hadith No. 1160 & Ibn Ma’jah Hadith No. 4165)
From all the above mentioned Ahadith, it is Wajib upon the wife to fulfill the desire of her husband whenever he wishes. If the relationship between the husband and the wife is truly based on Islamic principles, in which both of them treat each other with love, affection, kindness, fulfilling all Islamic desires and settling all matters with mutual agreement and understanding, the question of the wife refusing the sexual desire of the husband does not arise. Nor does the question arise of the husband being insistent or getting perturbed at her not wanting to have sex.
Allah (swt) says in the Qur’an in Surah Rum, Chapter 30, verse no. 21:
” And among His signs is this that He created for you mates from among yourselves that you may dwell in tranquility with them and He has put love and mercy between your (hearts); verily in that are Signs for those who reflect.”
If on certain rare occasions, the husband shows a desire for sexual intercourse with his wife, and for some genuine reason the wife shows a hesitation (not refusal), then it is possible, the husband can be understanding and voluntarily and happily give indication for postponement!
Allah (swt) says in the Qur’an, in Surah Baqara, chapter 2, verse no. 187:
“They (your wives) are your garments. And you are their garments.”
Here, because of the strong bond between the husband and the wife, if the husband is not displeased or angry, the angels will not curse his wife and neither will she displease the Almighty. And Allah knows the best.
I am very confused about the rights of women in islam. i competely undersatnd that if the man is not satified with his wife then he may indulge himself in such a prohibited activities such as sex with not wife.
but i have never heard or read about the rights of women that if a woman is desired to have sex with her husband and her husband is not in mood, can he denyies sex with his wife? i believe the women have more feelings of having sex than the men, then why islam has not equalize the sexual rights?
That’s rididculous. Any self-respecting women refuses sex if she is not in the mood. This article advocates a double-standard among men and women because it dictates that wives must fulfill their husband’s sexual desire but makes no mention of a husband’s obligation to fulfill his wife’s sexual desire wehn she is not in the mood. The attitude is utterly backward and the schmuck (I’m assuming) who wrote this should be ashamed of himself.
oh sister & brother on the above also, you both are wrong ,its also the duty of a man that if her woman wants sex then fulfill her requirement.you both completely misinterpreted the words of great scholar dr zakir naik.
Assistant needed
I am a married 37 years woman. My husband is a nice human being. I’ve spent almost 13 years of reasonably happy married life with no kids-reason his infertility, which was revelled just after one year of marriage. An attempt was made for a test tube baby after 4 -5 years of marriage, which proved unsuccessful. I kept this entire secret from my parents on his advice. About 8 years ago he was diagnose Hepatitis B and went into depression. I fully sincerely supported him in this period. Similarly, a year ago he became diabetic and I remained fully faithful to him and helped to overcome these difficult times.
About 4 years ago I had some indications that he’s involve in some other lady. But he assured me that there is nothing. And I should trust him. I believed him and never doubted again.
About 6 months ago I came to know that he is really having an affair with the same lady. The information was given to me by a boy who also wanted to marry that lady. The affair was confirmed when I read emails and sms’s between the two. He is in love with her and wants to marry her. I informed my and his parents but he refuse to admit before them. Although I have solid proof which I’ve disclosed only to my parents after waiting for 6 months hoping that he may leave her.
As I understand that Islam emphasizes relationship between a male and a female through a marriage so that there is a family. Due to his infertility we cannot have a family so only hope and attraction for me is that I have a faithful and trust worthy husband but now that is also gone.
2nd marriage of my husband is not acceptable to me. I’ve informed him that he can choose any one of us. According to him he cannot leave me but he cannot live without her. Whenever I take up this issue he gets very annoyed and depressed and threaten to commit suicide and he also tried 3 attempts. We are only 2 in the house and frequently quarrel on this issue.
I am passing through extreme stress and mental torture for the last 6 months. I love my husband a lot. It’s very difficult to leave him but I can’t share my husband. I am in this stress for the last 6 months. I took him to perform Umrah to seek almighty blessing to save my marriage.
I want to know under islamic Sheriah what options and rights I have in this situation.
An early reply will be highly appreciated. May Almighty Allah give u Jaza.
Mrs. Waqar, I very much hope Allah subhanatawala is appreciating your struggles. I must say that I am not qualified to suggest you a solution based on Shariah. I suggest you search in askimam.org or islam-qa.com or ask a local shariah knowing person. You can also read up Islamic articles on marriage rulings to discover the solution yourself.
If you cannot find any solution any other way then do this: Pray to Allah and try to free your mind from any satanic influence and try to figure out what the most noble, fair and good person, delegate of Allah in the world will do in this situation. Our conscience and mind sometimes produce good enough result.
Remember life is just a trial, it is temporary and nothing permanent. Best wishes for you and sorry for being completely worthless.
Your husband should see a psychriatist
Dear Sister, i don’t mean to be harsh but i think your husband’s physical illness has also contaminated into his mind. Considering your words, i must say that you have done quite enough. i think you should rethink your relationship sanely. if you can’t tolerate sharing your husband or more frankly, your husband’s illegal, extra-marital affair then stop spoiling your time and energy, and get over with it before anything serious happens to any of you. I don’t think it’s any longer wise for you to love an unrepented sinner.
I have a problem with my married life. My married life was happy in the beginning but in the matter of sex I always was uncomfortable wth my husband because he used to take bath with in 5 -6 days and I cant bear the bad smell of his body but I lived silent about it because I dont want to defame my husband. He always lived careless about this and he was also very careless towards me. Ultimately I was absolutely unable to bear his smell and I decided to refuse sexual relationship with him.In 25 years of my married life I took sexual relations of 15 years, from 10 years I didnot have any sexual relation. before 4 years I met a nice man who is unmarried and I attrected with him and we are in love with each other. He taught me the lesson of true love but now his parants are insisting him to marry but he dont want to do. We wants to live togather. I have 2 children very mature. I cant live without him and I cant share him with any other lady. If he will marry I will committ suicide or will loss my mental balance. I am in trouble pls suggest me what should I do?
You should stone yourself
if your married and muslim you can not like other man,get divorse and do what you want.
aslkum
brother i would like to know what does islam says bout heart and brain.
science says that every feeling which come to us is from brain, heart is
not related to any feeling or emotion it just purifies the blood and pump it to diffrent parts of the body.
will u enlighten me with answer from quran and sahih hadith
may god bless u
mrs mehjabeen,ask ur self a question “do i believe in islam”
i think u r on the edge of ur sexual life,n ur having two mature children and u said u kpt patience for 10 yrs,which itself speaks how much patience u have,pray to allah subhanahutala he will guide u
Assalaam ale kum,
I know the fact that the Islam doesnot have the concept of homosexsuality but if the person have such kind of feeling then what is the saying of Islam in that case. Taking the example of mine I always get attracted to man no matter how hard I try to get rid of it and really I am affraid of Allah in commiting such act but I really feel helpless. I have strong faith and trust in ALLAH. I wanna live simple life with my wife and like to have family like others but I am affraid to get married if the things doesnt workout? Please advice if I can marry will I get rid of this attraction? as Allah has nothing to say on this topic then I can say that I am a normal man who can marry any girl. please advice as I am dying every second it is the only belief in ALLAH is making me alive otherwise I would have commited suicide but I will never do this as I cannot bear the punishment of haraam maut. Please help and suggest any dua to recite and get rid of this.
A_o_A
i want to ask to sir.can husband do sex in his wife’s back side?i am very upset about this question.Plz tell me about this.
Can A Muslim man marry to his wife’s real sister. and was not leave his wife also
salam dr.zakir if some one’s(un married) emotions bloom up for sex wt must he do
waiting for reply pray 4 me
ok
askm, i am 28 yrs old happily married women with 2 girl children .prblem arised when i became diabetic.my husband wants to have a baby boy.as i am diabetic on insulin with already 2 c-sections doctor has told me to avoid next pregnancy.i still did not go for sterility.i wanted to know that according to shariah is it compulsary to have a boy though medically not advised.
my husband warns me that he will go for a second marriage if i do not give him a baby boy. plz advise.waiting for a reply.thanks.
Assalam o alaikum,
I am 24 and a muslim married lady.. I just want to ask some question about married life in the light of islam .. please let me know the way how could I ask..
thanks.
sincerely.
AssalamAlikum im married a month ago n im not always in a mood ti have sex n i get pale coz if doing it even my patents felt it but my husband always want it not once but per day two three times as i cant tolerate so i refuse him he only wants this from me how to tell him tht islam doesnt allow us to do this.please help me i dont want to displease Allah n i dont want to do the sex all time n every day im not tht strong n above all im expecting also n it hurts also but he doesnt understand.tell me in lite of islam wht i have to do
sir i have question .
to fulfill my two son studying expenses my wife has mortgage her jewelries/golds with bank and i am nt able so far to open the same because my son are still studying .my question is that should i be liable to pay Zakat on that pledge golds?
please reply me
thanks
AOA, My problem is my husband is infertile. this was diagonosed just after 1 year of marriage. We attemp two times the ICSI but failed. Can i force my husband to have the medical treatment , what is islamic point of view on this situation. As he argues that since the first two attemps are failed so this attemp will aslo fail. Also on first two attemps I have spend my own money and I want that for any further attemps he spent the money. He says that as u earn u should spend or spenf ur hak-mehr money. At the same time he is giving a lot of money for his brothers marriages. Can i force her to spend on treatment and have treatment. Plz ans me soon.
Mehjabin, listen to your heart… you have one life to live, dontt waste it on a man who does not satisfy you… I made that mistake for ten long years of my married life, please dont make the same mistake I did. Go ahead and live with your boyfriend….
YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT!!!
If husband Dont want to have any physical relationship with her wife for a period of 03 years and don’t want kid with his wife, then what ISLAM says about this…
i dont know abt wat shariah says in this matter….
but wat i say is divorce him go ahead with someone whm u like…
Dear sister
I think the reason of leaving your husband is not the problem you mentioned as you spent 15 years of normal sexual relationship with him and you have two children. for the sake of those two children you can spend rest of your life with your husband without having sex or you can tell him in good manners that you dislike the smell. lot of muslim women have major problems with their married life but most of them are trying to save their relation. I request you to leave the guy you fall in love with because you will be the role model of your children.
May Allah Almighty give you peace of mind and strengths to choose the right path.
to Aisha, are u daft. With a name like that, u came out with a msg that beggars belief. Read the article again, Who wrote this quotes hadith from Prophet Muhammad (pbuh). So before u open ur mouth, read and think.
excuse me naim..
she is right…
do u think tht women r the slaves of men?? NEVER…
we r also humans like u people…
MEN AND WOMEN ARE NOT IDENTICAL BUT EQUAL(though they r not identical)
both of them must be given the same rights…
this is my opinion…
actually my thing is…. i dont learn through facts but my own ideas…
assalamaleykoum ma soeur…je ne pas bien compri ..mais prix allah et tache de lui trouvé des parfum toi meme et tache de lui faire exité et montre lui la femme est une chose que le prophéte paix et salu sur lui…la réspecter….alor ne lui quite pas a cause de toi…..dieu est le tou puissant
hmm well i was looking for right of wife but here it shows of husband.. well even i feel that in islam thr r alot of man’s right but few for women.. like divorce, why husband have full autority of that?? i dont understand that … well i want some sugestions regarding my maried life..its been 2 yeras i got married and having a baby too… my husband is very caring, a good human being but he gets angry very fast and use very abusive language , but dont really realise what he is saying… he said several times without intention that i will divorce u.. does it affect the marriage? and also he work really hard, and doesnt get much time thats the reason our sex life is allmost nill..but i really feel bad abt it, even when i feel like spending time with him, he seems soo tired, wanting to sleep, i am very young, have a desire but i dont want to give tension to him.. pls suggest what should i do to solve my both problems.
you hav a full right over him…
call him to bed if refuses without a proper reason drag him to..
and if he uses abusive words again just hit him with no regard of the respect to be given to him bcause he should also give respect to u …if he doesnt u too dont give him any respect..
nevermind wat ur surrounding say..
do wat is right according to u… others allah will take care..
aoa,,i have been married for 14 years,father of 4 kids,,, can some1 tell me how to change the bossy attitude of my wife?she refuses sex for months and months,,she leaves me angry ,, as per her she hates this act specially with me…bcoz we do not have understanding between us,,i tries to solve the issue in bed but she shouts and tries to embarras me at night ..so i do not force her,,some times i think to go and buy sex form open market..bcoz i m thirsty and she knows it,,
understand her first of all..
AsalaamalaiQum, My situation. I am married women for 10 yrs with 2 kids. We have had a reasonably successful marriage till now. I have never denied my husband his share of bed room life till now and he has been there for me always. There were always ups and downs in our married life and I think we both compromised (it wouldn’t be fair to say that I am the only one who compromised, because Allah (swt) knows his side of story, if any).
My husband has always been insulting, making fun or passing comments in front of everyone, especially in front of my in-laws.This does give immense pleasure to my mother-in-law, because she wanted my husband to get married to someone from her relatives and that did not happen. After all these years, I don’t see my husband making a stop at this. The pattern of shouting/disrespecting me in front of my in-laws continues and I think he has taken me for granted that no matter what I will come back to him in bed. I have always been scared to deny him his bed room rights, because I fear the above hadith. And also understand that not keeping him happy will actually lead him to more stress at work too. But now I am tired and even though I want to be together for sake of our kids and of course I do not have a job to support myself financially, I do not feel that I can be in the same room with him. I still do not deny him, if he approaches me, but he now knows that I have no pleasure in it.
I’m unable to make a emotional connection with him because of all the disrespect and shouting. Does a man has a right to insult his wife in front of his mother, sisters and brothers? And can wife deny him his bed room rights? I do not want my husband to seek pleasure outside, as this will lead him falling under wrong. But what can I do make a emotional connection with bed room life.
Please advice as this affects my life, my husband’s life and my kids life as well.
all this article is talking about is mens rights that what really bothers me about Islam. I have been married for almost 7 years now I and we have one child. At first our marriage was good, I was young and dumb when my father put me in the situation to get married. but now i dont think i really love him anymore, I dont enjoy sleeping eith him, we always fight, curse, we dont agree on anything, we are totally opposites, I want to stay as far away as possible from his family they are annoying and always ask us for money, and we have totally different future goals, and different ideas about raising our child. I dont even want to have anymore kids with him in the future because I dont think this is going to be a lasting marriage. I sometimes cry to myself at night because I just think how can I stay married like to someone I dont really love and cant get along with. i know he loves me more then i love him if I even do, but he is impossible to live with. I have been feeling like this for about 3 years now and I dont know what to do. I feel like its not right and it will hurt us and our child further down the road. i feel like I need to find someone Im compatible with and someone I love, same with him. Its so hard
no one even suspects this of our relationship because we are so fake happy in front of others 
thank god we’re are in the west and away from relatives who would add more shit to it.
i am third wife of my husband,whenever he travels mostly he take his first wife he says his wish he can take according to his wish,and says i have only three rights to ask food,clothes and house,is it i do not have any right,pls reply as i am worried
is any one to reply